Are We Compatible? Understanding Introverts and Extroverts - Part 1

by Relationship Fitness Coach, Denver J. Hudson 

Of the many areas of compatibility, one of the most dynamic and important to consider is that of introversion and extroversion. I’m certain you’ve heard and perhaps experienced that “opposites attract.” This is certainly true in the area of Introverts and Extroverts.  It can be a complimentary pair IF the differences are fully understand, valued, and respected.

Let me be very clear: If you don’t understand the difference between Extroverts and Introverts, then your relationship is headed for trouble! It is a fundamental area to understand if you and your partner are going to create a healthy, thriving relationship together. This is true because Extroverts and Introverts show up and demonstrate love in different ways. And many people simply don’t understand the profound differences between these two ways of approaching life and how they play out in an intimate relationship. Now YOU will!  (By the way, we have both Introversion and Extroversion tendencies, but one is going to be dominant for each person.)

When we speak about Introverts and Extroverts, we are talking about the source, direction, and focus for one’s energy. For example, Extroverts tend to crave and are energized by social events, environments with lots of stimulation, and lots of activities - the very things that drain an Introvert.  Introverts, on the other hand, tend to savor and are energized by quiet time in which they can be reflective and introspective - the very things that drain an Extrovert. Introverts are typically more laid back and enjoy being alone.  By understanding these differences, you can see how issues of compatibility can quickly emerge – for example – when the Extroverted partner wants to go out to a social function, and the Introverted partner wants to stay home.

When you and your partner begin dating, these differences are not usually that noticeable. One of the reasons this is true is because Introverts often act like Extroverts in order to be accepted and liked by their dates and to meet cultural expectations. The typical image of an ideal couple in our culture is an Extroverted, Success-Oriented Man and an Introverted, Soft-Hearted Woman. These cultural pressures and expectations can cause us to show up in very inauthentic ways in our dating relationships, as we pursue a compatible partner that will fulfill our expectations and ideas about what a relationship should be like. Often, the dramatic differences between Extroversion and Introversion are not experienced until later in the relationship when the Romance Stage has worn off.

So, the first step is to identify if you are more Introverted or Extroverted. And how about your partner? Is s/he more Introverted or Extroverted?  Here are some additional things to look for to help you find out:

Extroverts tend to: 

Notice and tell you what they see
Be outwardly directed
Be action oriented
Display emotions as they experience them
Not be bothered by interruptions that much
Have many friends and acquaintances
Have broad interests
Learn by trial and error
Think out loud to people
Enjoy working with others
Gain energy by interacting with others

Introverts tend to:  

Notice a lot but don’t say much
Be inwardly directed
Be reflective oriented
Bottle up emotions
Dislike being interrupted; likes silence
Have a few good friends
Have deep interests
Be cautious before acting; learn overtime
Think a lot before talking
Enjoy working alone

Discharge energy by interacting with others; recharge in alone time

The differences between Extroverts and Introverts is just one of many distinctions I teach singles and couples to dramatically improve their dating and relating skills. As you learn new distinctions (new ways of seeing), you will literally transform how you date, who you attract to you, and the type of relationship you create with your partner. Many people do not have the knowledge and skills that I will be teaching YOU as my coaching client - which is why many relationship fail or end up unhappy and unfulfilling. That, thankfully, will not be your story! Give me a call today at 812.236.5780 or email me at denver@relationshipfitnessonline.com to explore what's possible through a coaching relationship!  

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