Maintaining a Healthy Marriage  Requires Personal Development

Our current level of development as a human being defines the type of intimate relationship that is possible for us. To put it simply, you can't create and sustain what your level of development cannot hold. And for many people, their ideal relationship exists several developmental levels beyond their current one.

Most of us want a fantastic, fulfilling, and fun intimate relationship, and we want it to last for a lifetime. And we certainly don't want to have to put in a lot of effort to make that happen. In fact, some definitions of love include the idea that being "in love" should be easy, or it isn't "real love." ("If we really loved each other, then it wouldn't be hard.") That represents a huge misunderstanding about the nature of human beings and about what really takes place in a committed, long-term relationship. Sometimes it gets "hard" to be in a relationship, and it's at those times that growth and change are often required if the relationship is going to continue to thrive.  

A healthy marriage or other committed relationship is among the most challenging type of relationship to maintain over time. Our society promotes a message of "comfort and ease" and "instant gratification" - which are two things that can shipwreck a long-term committed relationship and prevent a healthy marriage from remaining that way. This consumer-oriented, instant-gratification mindset short circuits our personal development, and for many, becomes a replacement to it. (It doesn't take personal development to purchase things, or to divorce a partner and find a "new one.")

If your marriage is about something more than comfort and safety, then you're going to be in the business of human development. Because when you consciously give your marriage a meaningful purpose - like making a difference in the world together -you'll have to develop a way of being that will actually allow you to fulfill that purpose. This requires evolving as a person and that means learning how to create and navigate change successfully.

Moving through change - whether you are intentionally creating it or it's happening around you - is anything but comfortable and easy. And yet, navigating through change is the "workout" that can make you strong and propel you to higher levels of human development. If you and your partner have the goal of having a healthy marriage and are going through a rough time right now, it may be an indication that some type of change needs to happen or is happening. The demands of your relationships may be greater than your current level of development to meet them. If your relationship is to grow and remain vital and healthy, then YOU have to grow and remain vital and healthy as a person. And this requires the mastery of moving through change.

You cannot be in healthy, long-term marriage without dealing with change, and yet most people resist change and try to avoid it at great cost. Another way of saying that, is that people naturally resist their own development as a human being. It's uncomfortable. Takes time. Takes work. It's messy. And yet, it's essential for a dynamic and fulfilling relationship and life.

I would go so far as to say that change is the movement of love itself. Relationships change as love attempts to grow and be expressed in new and expanded ways. If we resist this growth and expansion of love - and refuse to develop ourselves into a "bigger" person who can contain a higher expression of love - then our relationship begins to go unhealthy, and may ultimately break down. 

As a Relationship Fitness Coach, I assist individuals and couples in growing individually and together as a couple. A big part of this is understanding the dynamics of change, which - as I have indicated above - is the same as understanding the dynamics of love itself. If you are interested in personal development and to creating a thriving committed relationship, I invite you to contact me at denver@relationshipfitnessonline.com or at 812.236.5780. I would be interested in working with you to expand your capacity to create love and a fulfilling life.

Learn how couples coaching can help you have a healthy marriage
 

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